Skunkworth's Barleyslime: Fort Garry Two Rivers Lager

Tagline: "Craft brewed with natural ingredients."

This is a beer I am regretting to try - I kept putting off reviewing Fort Garry's Two Rivers Lager for the past month now, but it's been in my fridge for a few weeks, and some of you asked me to review it.. so I couldn't refuse!

Like Fort Garry's Stone Cold Draft beer, Two Rivers Lager is at the utmost premium quality of beers, to the point that it's available mostly in a 710mL brown pop bottle! How classy?!

First off, while I twist off the re-sealable plastic bottle cap, I only get a faint hiss of the carbonation, reminiscent to a half drunken bottle of Barq's Root Beer that's been in the fridge for the past 36 hours. As I pour it, I do get a hint of carbonation with a very subtle amount of snow white head.. but it ends up diminishing. The remaining micro-carbonation I do get.. it's a couple bubbles here or there, nothing like a bubble fireworks like you see in most typical Canadian lagers.

The aroma didn't scare me off as much as it did when I reviewed Stone Cold as this one has a bit of a honey vibe to it. BUT.. after the honey vibe, I smell lots of burnt plastic and a bit of straw mixed with a hint of horse manure to boot. Quite a bit of a straw and grassy vibe, but mmmm, who doesn't like hints of manure in their beer?!

The taste is sweet malt, lots of notes of honey, straw, some creamed corn and the taste of leftover beer filtered through a farmer's dirty sock after a harvest. Surprised there's no gritty pieces of straw or chaff in here. There's a faint bitterness of well.. plastic, the taste of a drink in a plastic bottle that you accidentally leave on the dashboard on an early spring afternoon.

I don't know why people drink this swill when Fort Garry actually brews GOOD beers like Dark Ale, Happy Jack, Pale Ale, etc. Oh ya.. because this is only $3.01 for a 710mL, and incredibly easy to carry as it's a plastic bottle... so if you're drunk and stumbling home from the vendor at quarter to 2 on a Sunday, if you drop these, you won't lose any beer like you would with glass or cans. But the typical Stone Cold/Two Rivers Lager drinker is planning on drinking it within seconds of leaving the vendor, so why would it matter anyways.. the beer has an easy-to-open cap! I can't wait until next spring when hundreds of empty bottles of this and Stone Cold are littering downtown Brandon again...

Honestly, not the worst beer that I've reviewed for Skunksworth's Barleyslime, but fuck.. I'm cringing every sip I take of this. 5.0% ABV

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