Review: Stella Artois


In the X amount of years that I've been writing about beer, I still haven't reviewed Stella Artois. Back in October 2005, I thought that Stella was an alright pale lager but with a bit of skunkiness and corn. Back then, I was a big fan of lagers.. but now - I would rather drink an over-the-top stout than a lager or pilsner. In 2015, to me - Stella is the worst beer in the best beer country. One of my old high school teachers told me that he fell in love with Rochefort 10 after a local in Belgium told him that Stella Artois is the "wife beater" beer, the swillest of the swill beers. Here in North America, it's treated like a royalty beer, but in reality.. it's not even as good as Heineken!

Every year they come out with a Christmas edition of their beer, corked and describing the beer as a beer made for the holidays. In reality, the beer is just one big marketing ploy. That said, here I am to review it!

Appearance: This batch of Stella Artois comes in a 750mL corked bottle, something that's reminiscent to many bières belges I've tried over the years. When I pour the beer, it's a very carbonated and straw yellow lager. It gives off a thick snow white head that actually gets thicker over time.. instead of diminishing. More carbonation than your typical North American lager, it's a tad too carbonated for my liking.

Aroma: This is the combination of straw, creamed corn and skunk aroma. It's a very sweet scent that's reminiscent of everything low quality for beer in Europe. There's not much to say here but it has that typical green bottle skunkiness that turns people off, as well as a hint of lemongrass.

Taste: I haven't had this in years because it's simply too expensive, a ripoff in fact. The first flavour I get is lemon followed by the taste of skunk perfume. There's a very grainy barley and grassy taste that follows the skunk, but unfortunately the skunky maltiness ruins the entire experience of the beer. There's a bit of a tinny aftertaste, but other than that - creamed corn.

Overall Thoughts: Creamed corn, skunk piss, even more skunk and a bit of low grade barley straw make this up beer. Out of all the beers available from Belgium, I can't believe that this is the one that people go to most. Labatt's owners at AB-InBev-SABMiller have better Belgian beers than this like Hoegaarden but never promote them. Mehhhh.

From the label: "Originally crafted as a holiday gift: Many years ago, the Artois Brewery crafted a special batch of beer as a holiday gift for the town of Leuven, Belgium.  The master brewers poured in all of their thought and care, elevating a simple recipe for beer into what we know as Stella Artois.  When we give something with thought, it lasts forever and today every batch of Stella Artois is brewed with that same thought and care so that it can continue to be given as a beautiful holiday gift." (Bullshit)

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